You are a whore

Those are the words I read. I stopped to think, how can someone who knows nothing about me, describe me as such.

How can someone treat me with such disrespect? How, is the only word that came to mind.

I decided today to be mature and respectful and inform this person that, due to his obvious reasons for contacting me, I did not wish to meet as I recently promised myself to only meet someone for the right reasons and only because I could see some type of a future with this person. He continued by saying that I was a controlling bitch that had nothing to offer to men. That in no way shape or form was I ever going to find love and that I was clearly living in a Disney movie.

May I remind you that I don’t know this person more than I know the person at the cash at the Pharmacy.

I stood there, reading those words. I was trembling. Those words, even if they are completely untrue, broke my spirits.

I have made numerous mistakes but rarely do I resort to name calling.

Bitch, whore, in both languages; I’ve heard it numerous times and it hurts every time! Even if untrue, it hurts.

I often think I am growing, healing, then realize some parts of me are still completely shattered. Some parts are strong, but others completely broken. I don’t blame anybody, I just think some parts of me need longer.

I have vowed numerous times in the past 3 years that I no longer wanted to date. That I no longer wanted to meet. I think when life brings you people like that, you need to listen and take a step back. Analyze your choices, listen and just focus on you, and only you.

I have tried to focus on me, my growth, but realize I haven’t. I was so busy trying to mask my pain, I forgot how to fully heal and be comfortable with just me.

Being with just yourself is extremely hard, but I think far more rewarding than I can imagine. Making sure I am fully happy with me, might actually prepare me accurately for the next chapter.

I’d like to fully focus on me, my work, my friends, potential projects, etc. My dear friend told me that you need to enjoy life while you are on this earth. One thing I fully know is that dating has brought me absolutely no joy. It has made me question who I am, who I am becoming and why nobody has cared to love me. That is wrong on every level. I am no angel. I have done things I am not proud of, but I know I am wordy, I know I am a good seed.

Each day I think of going on these poison apps, I will remember being called a whore and remind myself why I should not.

I think of all the time I wasted on terrible dates, meets, hoping it would be the one. No more. Life needs to be lived, cherished, and enjoyed until the end. I’d like to do that while loving who I am.

As strong as I am, there is just so much I can take.

I am there now, and won’t let myself go back to lower.

Nobody has the right to say those words to me, to make me feel that I am worthless. Nobody has the right to do that to anybody.

To you reading this, you are worth it, you matter, you are an amazing person. You do need people, people that will love you, care for you, respect you. If you have that, you are winning half the battle.

❤️🧡💛