Life after it all

It’s been a minute since I wrote. I stopped writing not because I no longer had something to say, but because I took a break from it all.

Life continued. Dating was as brutal if not more.

The last year were a combination of deception, but also a review of my life, friendships and goals.

I let go of some friendships, I made new ones. I left a job, to start a new one. I took mini breaks here and there from social media and dating.

I travelled, I laughed, I cried.

It’s hard to believe it’s been 6 years since I started my alone journey. It has gone by so so fast.

Feels like yesterday that my life as I knew it was crumbling and I had no idea what to do.

I made extremely stupid decisions since then. But I have also grown and learned so much.

I had a quiet life. An uneventful life. A life where I wasn’t moving forward, but stayed in one place comfortably. I miss that life sometimes, but I am happy to stand alone, and proud to say I made it.

Removing some people from my life was also difficult, but a must for me to move forward. You naturally stop talking to some people and that is okay. Some people moved away from me and that is ok. Hurtful at times, but we all have our journey. Mine has been chaotic at times, but sometimes you need that to come out calmer.

I try to look behind to see all that I accomplished, and hope I can keep evolving and become a better version.

What does make sad, is sometimes in this turmoil, this journey of becoming better; you make terrible selfish decisions that can and will hurt others.

The realization of this, is always done after the fact. Often, people are hurt. I have regrets. I regret certain decisions I made.

With every journey, you need to embrace the good and the bad. The good makes you hopeful, the bad makes you reflect on where you need to work harder.

I did want to see a therapist again, but mental health is so undervalued, that proper help is often impossible to find.

People kept on asking me why do you keep dating if it’s that horrible. The answer is easy; I kept hoping that I could find someone kind, loving and in line with my values, my lifestyle. We all hope and desire kindness, love, and affection. Saying the opposite is simply lying to ourselves. We generally strive to be loved and cared for. It’s a basic humain need.

No men has expressed love to me in over 8 years. My ex stopped loving me 2 years prior to leaving me. Not being loved for that long can really do damage.

The thought of someone truly loving me is something that is now so foreign to me. So much so that I also have problems thinking I could one day again love. That I could unconditionally love someone… Things like that make me sad

I love with all my heart my friends and my cats.

The people that surround me are lucky, because they have all my love.

6-8 years ago I could not tell them I love you, but now I can and I do.

I recently became friends with someone who makes me see life differently. She makes me realize that no matter our age, background etc, we are often more similar to others then we think.

It’s refreshing to discuss and share thoughts with people that have this beautiful openness. To talk about subjects that are often so taboo. No subject in my mind should be taboo.

I talk about regrets, but being more me than ever is definitely a win for me. Being able to share things I once thought I could never, is amazing. A sign of growth. I try to surround myself now with people that share the same values, the same openness.

I am planning my next trip, Sicily. Another adventure to explore. I don’t have enough time or money to travel as often as I would like, but I do try to plan 1 adventure per year. Traveling with a beautiful friend. Beautiful inside and out. She is kind, wicked smart, strong, resilient and an amazing mother, friend. This will be our 2nd adventure together. I can’t wait to see this beautiful island, but more importantly, share these moments with a true gem of a friend.

Writing has always been a very healing experience, process. I used to post more on Facebook, but realized that I just needed to put down words for me.

Maybe one day I will have the willingness and courage to do more.

Let’s keep moving ahead, embracing who we are, the good, the bad. Properly giving ourselves the space needed to heal, while potentially still making many mistakes… Perfection doesn’t exist, so keep being perfectly imperfect!