Ghosting

I’ve tackled this before, but I feel it needed it’s own entry.

In a time where you can swipe your next date, it’s so easy to become robotic and forget that people are real, they actually do exist behind that screen, they live, have feelings and emotions! We swipe left without thinking twice, right because he or she have a nice smile. Not much thought really goes into this process. Then boom, a match. For a split second, you feel this mini content feeling that someone saw your photos and thought: ‘’She looks good, why not swipe right’’. That feeling quickly goes away and you keep swiping until you get more matches. Then, you play the waiting game. Who will contact who first. Some do quickly, some never do.

The conversation starts there, on the app. A few exchanges. Innocent flirting, exchange of a few facts and there you go, you become somewhat invested. The conversation quickly moves to instagram, messenger or via text. More texting, deeper conversation. If schedule doesn’t permit, you then go to video chatting. Treat that exchange as somewhat of a first date. If you are me, you don’t care, wear no makeup, hair up and stay in your pjs. If a guy can’t find me attractive at my natural stage, he is not for me! Others actually put effort, do their hair, light makeup and potentially wear a nice outfit.

From there, more exchanges, and finally, you set a date to meet. You might meet a few times, or just once. Regardless, time and effort were included throughout this process. Often, you end up realizing that it was a complete waste of time. Why, because out of nowhere, this person stops texting, calling. No reason, no heads up; this person seeks to exist to you. They don’t return your texts or perhaps calls. You then ask yourself, why? What did I do? Well this phenomenon is called ghosting.

Wikipedia states: Ghostingis a colloquial term used to describe the practice of ceasing all communication and contact with a partner, friend, or similar individual without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communicate made by said partner, friend, or individual.

A little article that speaks about this hurtful practice:

https://www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-advice/online-dating-unplugged/polter-guys-and-ghoulish-girls-isnt-it-time-we-gave-ghosting-an-exorcism

I have been ghosted. After dates, after chats. I tell myself, it’s not you; it’s the world we live in. People lose interest fast, they move on and simply don’t care. But even then, it still hurts, stings. You start to wonder is it my looks, how I think. Maybe I was too honest, maybe too cold, maybe this, maybe that. You honestly end up over thinking every move and deeply regretting some. Then, you tell yourself that you won’t invest time in others anymore; it’s too hurtful.

You see, men and women who do this, don’t think too much about you and your feelings. They are selfish and coward. It’s easier to ignore than simply to say: I am not interested. Sad but true fact.

I tell myself, don’t care, that person meant nothing. The truth is that I always care, it always hurts because it’s a rejection to who I am and what I can offer. The consequences of this, is that I become more cold, more independante and more uninterrested in men and dating.

I am a sweet kind person. Dating in this age has made me the exact opposite. Deep down I know who I am and what I can offer. But when nobody gives you the opportunity to showcase that, you simply start to doubt what you actually can offer.

My friend recently asked me if I thought I was going to be alone forever, I actually responded, YES. I still feel this way. In my gut, I fear I will be single forever. It’s a devastating thought, feeling to have.

My life is very full in other aspects. But dating, men, love; empty. It’s crazy to think i’ve been in relationships for more than half my life and now I can’t even see myself falling in love again.

I often think of how people act, treat others and I get so sad.

I really don’t know where this will all lead, but what I do know is that things need to change. People need to stop treating people as disposable objects and remember they are real and have feelings.

I am no saint, I’ve ghosted. I know how it feels and vouch to not do it anymore. Now, can everybody else do the same?!